Behind the Charade by Eric Jones
Characters:
Michael: 20 years old. Arrogant, yet charming... Sometimes. Very
handsome. A notorious playboy, who is equally notoriously
unsucessful. Has a penchant for cliches.
Darren: 18 years old. Privately bi-sexual. The younger brother of John,
who is holding a party at their house.
January: 19 years old. A flirtatious party-goer. Likes Darren, and
handcuffs.
'Michelle': Very beautiful. An unknown woman..
Nick: 21 years old. Competing with Leisure Suit Larry for the seediest,
worst-dressed man on the face of the planet, and winning.
Scene 1
stage: Two rooms beside each other in a large house. The left room is a
small bedroom, and the right room is a entertainment room. The rooms are
divided by a wall, and both rooms have doors at the back of the stage,
going out into a hallway which connects them both. In the bedroom, the
door is in the middle of the room. It has a bed on the right hand side of
the room, and against the left wall is a dresser with a mirror above it.
The entertainment room's door is on the left side, and the centre of the
room has a couch.
Music is playing very softly in the background. A halloween party is going
on in the house. The bedroom is the bag drop-off room, and the
entertainment room is the designated 'quiet room'. Currently, only the
bedroom is lit. DARREN is in the bedroom, lying on the bed, looking bored.
People come and go, checking themselves in the mirror, dropping off bags
and such, and leaving.
MICHAEL enters the bedroom, dressed in a cavalier's outfit. He goes
immediately to the mirror. He fusses over his hair for a few moments,
slaps on some cologne, and uses some breath spray. He steps back, looking
at his reflection critically, pulls out a brush, and combs his hair. He
stares at his reflection again.
Darren: Mike, how much of your life do you spend in front of the mirror?
Michael: You can't rush perfection, kid. (puts on a mask over his eyes)
And now, it is complete!
DARREN rolls his eyes.
Michael: (under his breath) Heh, going to a party as Don Juan is almost an
insult. He has nothing on me. (Puts on a cloak, tosses it back
dramatically) On to the kill!
MICHAEL strides to the door, humming the tune of some song (probably "I'm
too sexy").
Darren: See you later, 'Don Juan DeMicheal'. Good luck.
MICHAEL opens the door, stops, and turns to face DARREN.
Michael: My friend, I don't need luck! (exits)
DARREN laughs as MICHAEL leaves.
Darren: (calling out) Maybe not, but you sure need help! (pauses. he
smiles) And you are cute...
DARREN sighs, sitting up on the bed, hugging his knees. At this point, the
lights go on in the other room. Three women are in the room, miming a
conversation. JANUARY is also in the room, standing by the door. (All
speeches are silent in the room in which the main action isn't happening.
This is indicated by the level of lighting in the room- the main room will
have brighter lights.)
Darren: (looking around) This is nuts. 'Why sure John, I'll look after
everybody's stuff while the party's happening'. Nothing better to
do anyways, I suppose. But then he shows up...
As DARREN is talking, MICHAEL enters the other room, and goes immediately
towards the first woman he sees, who is JANUARY, dressed in a cat suit. He
steps forward, offering his hand. She smiles, but steps backwards.
DARREN pauses a few moments, looking towards the door.
Darren: Screw this. I'm here, I might as well enjoy myself... Or at least
try to.
DARREN gets up, and exits. The lights dim in that room, and brighten in
the other room. MICHAEL has moved on by this point, and is flirting with
one of the women, focusing all his attention on her.
Michael: Ma chere, you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen..
MICHAEL bends over and kisses the woman's hand. The woman steps back in
distaste. As he raises his head back up, he sees another woman acrosss
the room. He immediately walks over to the second woman. The first woman
looks relieved.
Michael: Cherie, you are the lovliest woman I have ever had the pleasure of
bestowing my eyes upon in my entire life...
MICHAEL coninutes trying to flirt, but the woman just looks at him.
2nd woman: Really. That's so nice to know..
DARREN walks into the room from the hallway. He centres his view on
MICHAEL. JANUARY sees DARREN, and walks towards him.
January: (looks Darren over) Hey Darren, love the costume. It looks good
on you. What're you supposed to be?
As these two are talking, MICHAEL is cornering the second woman, trying to
gain her favour.
Michael: (saying these lines while Darren and January are talking) Your
eyes, they are shining lights beaconing me to you.. (the woman
looks away, but MICHAEL moves around to face her again) Those
lips, oh those lips... Allow me to taste of their perfection..
(steps forward, but she ducks around him. He follows) Cherie,
I shall follow you to the ends of the earth! (she continues to
try and avoid him, he continues to follow her)
Darren: Hmm? I'm going as the kid who was stupid enough to hang around
while his brother threw a party.
January: Oh come on, was it such a bad thing to stick around? I don't mind
at all...
Darren: Thanks.
January: C'mon, let's go upstairs. I can show you how to make me purr...
Darren: Uhh, no thanks. It's still early, y'know. Wanna check out the
scene...
JANUARY looks slightly cross, but not angry.
January: Okay, but for now...
She walks towards DARREN, and nuzzles against him. DARREN looks surprised,
but puts his arms on her waist, and dances for a bit to the music. At this
point, the second woman has escaped MICHAEL, and he has cornered the third
woman.
Michael: Truly, such beauty as yours cannot be surpassed by any in this
world...
3rd woman: Really?
MICHAEL pauses, almost as if he was amazed that his line worked.
Michael: But of course, who could not be smitten by beauty such as what you
pocess?
As he speaks, he walks the woman over to the couch. He sits her down, and
starts whispering things in her ear, quietly so the crowd doesn't hear.
She giggles, and it becomes apparant that the woman is quite drunk. At
this point, the background music switches songs, and DARREN lets go
JANUARY. JANUARY is smiling widely.
January: Meow. That was a start.. ('paws' DARREN) I'll talk to you later,
big boy.
Exit JANUARY. DARREN raises his hand lightly.
Darren: Bye.. (Turns to watch MICHAEL, who is still flirting with the 3rd
woman sucessfully)
3rd woman: (sitting up, gasping at whatever it is that MICHAEL whispered in
her ear) Oh Mike, you're such a romantic.
Michael: The night has yet to begin.. I have yet to show you just how
romantic I can be, my dear.
(The 3rd woman laughs drunkenly. DARREN frowns and shakes his head)
Darren: (under his breath) Useless. I shouldn't even bother.
exit DARREN. The lights dim on stage right, and brighten on stage left as
DARREN enters the bedroom. On stage right, we can still see MICHAEL
flirting. Both people have gotten up, and MICHAEL is following the 3rd
woman around the room. She is taunting him with poses, and inviting
gestures. MICHAEL follows them completly. It should look like a dance of
baiting and nearly-catching. At stage left, DARREN collapses onto the bed.
Darren: This is really, really stupid... I don't stand a chance. (gets up,
grins) Although, he hasn't really been hooked yet..
DARREN looks thoughtful as all the lights turn off.
3rd woman: Oh Michael..
End scene 1
Scene 2
stage: The same as before. At stage right is MICHAEL, who is now
entertaining two women, both of whom are drunk. One of them is the one
from last scene. MICHAEL has his arms around both of them. Stage left is
completly black, and it looks empty.
Michael: Someone upstairs must like me, blessing me with the company of two
such lovely women as yourselves.
Woman #1: (flirtatiously) I'd say we're the lucky ones.
Michael: Well, yes, we're all lucky. And the night's only just begun.
The two women smile.
Michael: In fact...
MICHAEL trails off as his attention is caught by MICHELLE, who has just
walked into the doorway. She is dressed in an evening gown, and has a
small mask on which covers her eyes. She points to herself, to MICHAEL,
and then to the bedroom. She nods, and steps back out into the hallway.
Woman #2: (to MICHAEL, who is still staring at the doorway) Michael?
Michael, earth to Michael.. (waves her hand in front of his
face)
Woman #1: Helllooo? In fact what, Mikey?
Michael: (just barely catching what was just said) Hmm?
Woman #2: Mike... You weren't ignoring us, were you?
Michael: (just coming to his senses) Hm? Oh, no.. Of course not! ...It's
just that I was remembering, uh, something I had to do..
Woman #1: Really? What do you need to do?
Woman #2: Does it involve us?
Michael: What do I need to do? Sadly, no it doesn't.. I umm, need to
donate some time to the children's hospital!
Woman #1: Really?
Michael: Yeah, I help... look after the sick children, keep them
entertained.. (checks his watch) I can just make it if I leave
now..
Woman #2: That's so sweet, looking after those poor children.. But does
this mean we won't see you again tonight?
Michael: No.. You probably won't. But if you like.. (whips out a small
black book. It looks well used) we could continue this later, I
could just take your numbers down..
MICHAEL writes down in his book as they give him their numbers. He gets
up, and bows dramatically to them both.
Michael: I'm so sorry, I hope I can make it up to you later.
Woman #1: Don't worry, we'll make sure of it.
MICHAEL bows once more, and heads for the hallway.
Michael: (to himself) Enough with the appetizers, time for the main
course...
Woman #1: What was that Michael?
Michael: (turning around) Oh, I was just talking to myself... I was
thinking that I should take some appetizers with me, to them, it'd
be better than their main course at the hospital... (looks out the
hallway) I really should get going.. Sorry again, bye! (Exits)
The lights slowly dim, and light up on the bedroom. MICHELLE is there,
siting idly on the bed while smoking a cigarette. She has left the door
wide open.
Woman #1: He's so full of it.
Woman #2: Yeah, but he's got such a cute tush.
The first woman nods, and then picks up a drink, and starts up a
'conversation' with the other woman. In the bedroom, MICHELLE checks her
watch, shaking her head. She gets up, and stubs the cigarette. As she's
doing so, MICHAEL walks into the room, and shuts the door behind him.
Michelle: (her back turned to MICHAEL) That certainly took long enough..
Michael: Yes, and for that, I am truly sorry. As you could see, I was
occupied with far, far lesser interests. (steps forward) But no
longer. I'm here, with a woman who's beauty who surpasses all
others.
Michelle: (turns around) It's amazing how you do that.
Michael: (pauses) Do what?
Michelle: Say that to every woman you meet, and really mean it each time.
Michael: Call it a talent. (smiles) But if it is the truth, why should it
offend you? (steps forward, resting his hands on MICHELLE's
shoulders)
Michelle: (steps back, out of MICHAEL's hands) Am I more beautiful than all
those other girls Michael?
Michael: Of course.. Of course you are! C'mon, would this face lie?
Michelle: Maybe. I've been watching you all night..
MICHAEL melts. It takes him a moment to compose himself.
Michael: Really? Odd, I'm sure I would have noticed someone as dazzlingly
beau... (his words are cut off by MICHELLE, who has put a finger
upon MICHAEL's lips to quiet him. MICHAEL looks to be in seventh
heaven.)
Michelle: Now's not the time for that, let me finish.. As I was going to
say, you are quite the little jumper.. Why is it that you
followed me, when you were keeping two obviously close friends
company?
Michael: Well, umm.. They weren't really friends, I was just talking to
them..
Michelle: Do you talk to all people like that?
Michael: Of course not, just wom... (trails off, trying to think of
something to say) That is, just, uhh...
Michelle: Just women?
MICHAEL frowns, and nods guiltily.
Michelle: And I'm supposed to fall at your feet when you tell me that I'm
beautiful?
Michael: Well, I wouldn't mind...
Michelle: Right. But I'm not some loose, drunk floozy like those other
two. I have some dignity.
Michael: Oh, so you want to be treated with respect... (straightens up)
Dear, I can respect a woman along with the best of them.
Michelle: (does not look impressed) Oh yes Michael, you will. But first,
(walks right up in front of MICHAEL, slowly leaning herself forward
as she talks) do you love me Michael? (finishes with her lips just
away from MICHAEL's)
Michael: Y.. Yes!
Michelle: (steps back) Wrong answer. You're not some shallow guy who
would love a woman just for her looks, are you?
Michael: (stepping forward) Oh no, I can be real deep...
Michelle: (tilts her head slightly) And are you deep enough to ask what my
name is?
Michael: Uh... What's your name?
By this point, the women at stage left have left. JANUARY comes in
eventually, looking around, and then sitting down at the couch.
Michelle: Here, I'm Michelle..
Michael: (blinks) What do you mean, you're Michelle 'here'?
Michelle: That should be pretty obvious. It means that I'm Michelle, here.
Michael: Then what's you're name elsewhere?
Michelle: A secret.
Michael: C'mon, tell me your name..
Michelle: When you deserve to know, I'll tell you.
Michael: Oookayy... When will I deserve to know?
Michelle: Oh don't worry, I'll tell you. (looks thoughful) Among other
things.
Michael: Other things?
Michelle: (winks) You'll see. Anyways, that's enough chatter for now.
We'll talk later.
Exit MICHELLE. MICHAEL watches her go, staring out after her. It takes
him a few moments to come back to. As he's coming back, MICHELLE walks
into the other room, sees JANUARY, and walks over to a corner, pretending
to look at something. Finally MICHAEL moves. He walks over to the mirror,
and pulls out his brush, checks himself over.
Michael: Well buddy, it's about time.. A woman with taste walks right into
your life.. (pauses, gaining some confidence) And she's gonna be
yours.
For the next few minutes, he's preparing himself in front of the mirror.
The lights dim in the bedroom, and lighten up in the other room. JANUARY
is turning around, and sees MICHELLE. She gets up, MICHELLE sees, but
pretends to be concentrating on something else.
January: Hey, I'm looking for a friend of mine.. He's about my height,
really cute and with blonde hair. He's not dressed in a costume.
You seen him?
Michelle: (looking the other way) No, I just got here.
January: Well, his name's Darren. If you see him, tell him I'm waiting,
and so is Roberta.
Michelle: Roberta?
January grins, and reaches to a pocket in her costume. She pulls out a
pair of handcuffs.
January: Kinda silly to name them I guess, but they're such a ..special
pair.
At this point, MICHAEL has finished working on himself, and leaves the
bedroom.
Michelle: (nods, doesn't look comfortable) Right. A perfect mouse trap?
January: Believe me sister, this cat is going to get her cream..
MICHELLE looks increasingly uncomfortable. She points out the door.
Michelle: Say, was that him down the hallway?
January: (turns around) Really?
MICHAEL just enters the entertainment room. JANUARY walks demurely past
him, out into the hall.
January: Oh Darren...
Exit JANUARY. MICHAEL watches JANUARY walk by, and the looks over at
MICHELLE.
Michelle: Well, you're getting better with following me, that didn't take
half as long as last time.
Michael: Last time I hadn't even talked to you before.
Michelle: And you came nonetheless.
Michael: I aim to please..
Michelle: Is that what you want to do?
Michael: If you give me the chance..
Michelle: No, pleasure's my job, once I think you deserve it.
Michael: What do you want from me?
Michelle: Dedication.
Michael: Huh?
Michelle: (starts posing alluringly) I'm not one to be taken lightly
Michael. If you want me, it has to be serious.
Michael: (goggling) Oh, I want you...
MICHELLE growls teasingly, edging up to MICHAEL, but then jumping away,
becomes serious.
Michelle: I'm sure. Just be sure it's not just one kind of want.. (starts
to leave)
Michael: Hey, where're you going?
Michelle: Do you love me Michael?
Michael: Um, yes!
Michelle: Still the wrong answer. (turns around, and walks out of the
room.)
Lights shut off.
Michael: What'd I say?
end of scene 2
Scene 3
stage: The light comes on in the entertainment room. MICHAEL is sitting on
the couch, looking distant. One of the women from earlier walks by and
tries to gain his attention, to no avail. She leaves. DARREN walks into
the room. His hair is slightly messed, and one of the buttons on his shirt
is undone. He walks over and sits down on the couch beside MICHAEL.
Darren: Hey Mike, you're not looking so good. (pause) Umm, health-wise,
that is...
Michael: (distantly) I thought I had it....
Darren: Had what?
Michael: The magic touch... Hey, I thought you were supposed to be looking
after everyone's stuff.
Darren: Nah, its all safe. 'Sides, like I'd want to miss a party like
this.
Michael: (slouches back on the couch) Yeah, been going just swell..
Darren: So what was that about not having the magic touch?
Michael: Did I say that? You must have heard me wrong. I still got it.
Darren: Sheah, right. Hate to tell you Mike, but you barely had it in the
first place.
Michael: Kid, you've got a big mouth.
Darren: You don't know the half of it.
Michael: Hmm?
Darren: Oh, never mind, inside joke. Come on, you can talk to me. What's
up?
Michael: Hey, back off boy, I'm not talking about it.
Darren: Well, well, touchy aren't we?
Michael: Yeah, it's a touchy subject. (pauses, looking at Darren) Speaking
of touching.. Hey big man, been finding some spare time with
January? I heard she was on the prowl for ya..
Darren: Well, (buttons up his shirt) it's really a long story, and I asked
my question first... C'mon, tell me
Michael: Just because you asked me to do something, doesn't mean I will.
Darren: That seems to be the pattern with the women you meet though...
Michael: (snorts) Yeah, but that's different.
Darren: Why?
Michael: Why? Because they're women, and well, you're a guy!
Darren: Amazing observation. And such a logical reason too.
Michael: C'mon, you don't actually expect me to treat men and women the
same, do you?
Darren: I wouldn't mind at all.
Michael: Uhh, yeah.. (pauses.) Woah. Waaaiitt a second. That did not
mean what I think it meant, did it?
Darren: Why don't you tell me?
MICHAEL jumps out of the couch, and backs away from DARREN.
Michael: Oh fuck, I don't need this.
Darren: (getting up off the couch) Oh come on Michael, I heard about you
having problems with that new girl. Maybe you should just give up
on women..
Michael: (backing away towards the door) Heh, not quite my style..
Darren: (walking forward) You never know unless you try..
Michael: Oh, I know alright. (runs out the door)
Darren: Well, this is getting fun..
DARREN walks out the door, the lights on that side dim down. The bedroom
lights come up, as MICHAEL runs through the door, and shuts it. He goes and
sits down on the bed, and clutches his head.
Michael: Oh man, oh man....
MICHAEL gets up, pacing the room. There is a knock at the door.
Michael: (jumps back) Who is it?
January: It's me, January. I wanna get my stuff.
MICHAEL goes to the door, unlocks it, and cracks it open slightly. He
peeks through, and then opens the door fully. JANUARY walks through the
door, and walks over to the dresser. She pulls out a small purse. She
turns around and watches Michael as he hides at the back of the left wall.
January: Mike, what the heck are you doing?
Michael: Shh!
JANUARY shakes her head, and closes the door.
January: Is that better?
Michael: It is if you're not going to do anything to me.
January: Oh no, I'm saving that for Darren..
Michael: I don't know.. (stops, smiles) Say, you think you could do
whatever you were planning to do with him like, now?
January: If I could find him, I would.. He's just up and dissapeared
again.
Michael: Not quite, I just saw him in the other room..
January: Really? (Narrows her eyes) Why are you so interested anyways?
Michael: Let's just say that I'd like to keep him off my back.
January: (shrugs) Whatever. Although I think the best way to keep people
away is to be to find someone to spend private time with. What
about that girl I left you with earlier? She was pretty..
Michael: Believe me, I'm working on it.
January: Hmm? I thought you were an up front kinda flirter.. Don't tell
me you're actually thinking of a woman whose perfume you can't
still smell?
Michael: Hey, I'm not that bad..
January: Get real Mike. You're known by everyone as Michael
'please-may-I-sleep-with-you' Johnston. You're nothing but a
flirt. Or at least you were. What's up with this girl?
Michael: She's different.. She....
January: Is good looking, _and_ interested in you?
Michael: Hey, I'm trying to be serious.
January: Serious? I thought you were just in it for the breasts or
something..
Michael: I am! Well, I was, and I am, but now I'm not so sure... It's not
getting me her..
The door to the other room opens, and MICHELLE walks through. Other people
walk in, try to talk to her, but are ignored. Some people stand around,
talking. Most of them leave as the scene progresses.
January: And why is she so important?
Michael: I don't... I can't believe I'm actually telling you all this.
January: Just trying to help..
Michael: Right, right.. Just go along and play with Darren, or leave, just
get out of here. I need some time to think by myself.
January: Whatever Mike. (Sighs) Well, I'm tired of waiting around for
Darren, I'm just taking off. Hey, don't leave your girl in the
same situation, you hear?
JANUARY leaves, and MICHAEL stands there, in thought. He turns, and exits
the room. The lights go up on stage left, and we see MICHELLE there,
looking bored. People come up to her, but she just shies away from them.
MICHAEL pokes his head in the door, looking around. He smiles as he sees
MICHELLE, and walks in. People see him, and some mill out the door. One
man stays behind, trying to talk to MICHELLE, who obviouisly doesn't want
to have anything to do with him.
Nick: Hey, talk to me baby, don't be so cold..
Michael: Hey Nick, clear out man..
Nick: Just chill Mikey-do. I'm trying to talk to the lady.
Michael: I don't think the lady wants to talk to you.
Nick: Oh, and she wants to talk to you? I saw her first, chump. Now
darling...
Michael: Hey man, she isn't some kind of object, just cause you 'saw her
first' doesn't mean you get to take her home or anything.
Nick: Well pal, you want to make something of it? I'll wipe the walls with
you...
NICK walks towards MICHAEL, but is halted by MICHELLE, who gives him a
quick chop to the neck, sending NICK slumping to the ground.
Michael: Wow, where'd you learn to do that?
Michelle: Something I picked up. I'm impressed Mike, that little part
against ownership of women almost sounded civilized.
Michael: I guess you could say I'm improving.
Michelle: So it would seem.
Michael: (grins) But then, to Nick, just about anyone could look good.
Michelle: Yeah...
An awkward silence passes.
Michael: Michelle...
Michelle: (interrupting him) Michael, do you love me?
Michael: (pauses) I don't know yet, but I'd like to find out...
Michelle: (grins widely, and walks up to MICHAEL) right answer. (Kisses
MICHAEL.)
Michael: (smiles, steps back, looking at her) So, what is your name?
Michelle: Darren.
The lights go immediately out, and a wig, MICHELLE's hair, gets thrown out
from the stage.
End!